My parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary recently. My brothers and I all spoke. This is what I said.
How do you stay in a relationship for 50 years? I’m seriously asking? A 50 year union sounds about as easy as climbing Mt. Everest. I imagine it would require the same things, patience, a steady pace, keeping a present and forward focus with the occasional turn around to see just see what’s been accomplished, more patience, acclimation to each new level, some more patience, and I believe it probably starts exactly the same, some guy has a wacky idea that this is something he HAS to do and he convinces someone else to do it with him. The big difference would be there’s no sherpa in marriage. There’s no short man with kind eyes in colorful wool clothing who’s made this journey before, ready to carry your baggage and cook your meals and give you guidance along the way. It would seem that part you have to do for each other. I imagine it starts with saying I do love you and continues by saying I will, always.
When I ask my parents about how they did it, there’s always a lot of laughs about how at various years there was the quote “for our such and such anniversary, I’m getting you a divorce.” I mean, come on, let’s be honest, a relationship is about finding someone whose annoying traits you will put up w/ because of the benefits received. Finding someone who will put up with your BS in exchange for whatever it is you offer, friendship, trust, love, good food, fine cuddling, humor, a quality grilled cheese, that feeling in your heart that it’s just right. And really that’s all it is. For my parents it would seem the benefits always outweighed and the answer was always about coming back home. Home had become each other. And the family they created, but at 50 years we can’t say they stayed together for the kids. They stayed together because of each other. It makes sense. The benefits. Growing up I remember an awful lot of laughter in my family. Of course there were headlocks, bread knives, total freak outs over spilled milk and what not but really, I just remember us giggling and guffawing our way through the years. Loudly. That is a big thing in our family. We laugh, and we keep each other close. Physically. I’ve never known any other way so you can imagine my surprise when I stepped outside the 315 and found that not everyone expresses love and commitment by making jokes, bear hugs and face slaps. We learned it from my mom and dad and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
In 50 years there will be change. People will find new interests, new hobbies, they will retire, change careers, retire, change careers, the thing is, my mom and dad have been able to continue to know each other no matter the changes. To know that their core has not changed. Interests change, but character maintains. And my parent’s character maintained strong and devoted. And they always came home. That is something they taught us and every single one of their children has done just that. They told us, you always come home. You trust in the family, you trust in the union and you always come home, to your family.
By choosing each other, every day. By saying I do every day. They not only chose to be there for each other, but they chose to be there for us. My parents daily choice made it possible for us to go on family vacations, to partner dance, to go to school, to change careers, to create families of our own, to celebrate birthdays off schedule and spend Sundays eating spaghetti, all the while laughing. If my parents didn’t say I do to each other 50 years ago and then again, every day since I would not be the person I am who believes so fiercely in love and knows that at the end of the day, family is not only everything, it is the only thing. Thank you for creating this family. Thank you for maintaining this family, for being the beacon of love and stability in a life that throws curveballs. You are a model for commitment, to yourselves, to each other, to your family and to the life you’ve created. I will continue to learn from you with my every waking breath. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad.
