If you are heterosexual this step will work wonders. It’s simple, it is direct, the efficacy rate is high. Look to your ladies. There are so many women’s’ social clubs out there and I say they are underused by the burgeoning spinster. A true lady in eternal waiting knows where she belongs, it’s in the book club, the stitch and bitch, the pottery class, the learning annex, the 92nd street Y, the list goes on and on like that list of characteristics you want in a partner. But truly the only thing you need to make sure is present is a high percentage of same-sex population. And the best thing is, you don’t have to leave your physical fitness desires and goals unmet to achieve a life lived in solitude. Personally, I love sports and I long to help people feel better. I’m a care taker who likes to sweat a lot. So, for me, nursing school was a great current choice (see step 2, also nursing will be an excellent career. It is still dominated by women and so far I see all the nurses roll their eyes at every doctor that even breathes in their presence and while I don’t understand the why just yet, it is obviously social suicide to consider dating one) and roller derby is my current sport of choice. I know a lot of women will choose the solo sport route of the endurance athlete. The many mile run accruing over 60 minutes at a time, the solo bike rides, the soundless swims. I get it. Alone with self. Self competition. I totally get it. I mean, I did that. I spent the better part of my mid to late 20′s training as a distance runner. I just think that envelope can be licked and pushed a wee bit further. I say a women’s’ full contact sport will get you there. I play roller derby and let me tell you there is very little opportunity for anything beyond an athletic ass slap unless you’re willing to switch teams. And while many women do and I say more power to your civil union liberties, short sassy haircuts and finally coming out of the closet, I know it’s not for me. Roller derby for me, offers an opportunity to participate in something that most people have had to forgo since grade 6; recess. When I’m at roller derby practice I get to yell and scream, make stupid jokes, play grab ass, moon my teammates, flash the opposing team, curse loudly, make off color jokes, sweat, hit, and smell like Cheetos and cat pee because I tend to not wash my pads. The best thing is, while I know I could call on any of my teammates if ever I needed them to help me bury a body, get me immediately out of an unsavory situation, or if I was crying my face off with a broken heart and they would answer at the ready, as a rule we don’t talk about boys. Ever. We talk about derby. We talk about strategy, we talk about gear, we talk about partner moves, ways to exploit a rule, hits, blocks and point differentials. In the 3 years I’ve been playing on this team only one time has someone asked me why I’m always single and in her defense I was making her laugh heartily at a party, she was tipsy and obviously feeling sentimental/romantic about love and life. I’ve heard similar things about rugby, field hockey and lacrosse but I don’t know from those sports. I will say this, if your commitment to selecting the single box on the census form is intact but you don’t suffer from agoraphobia and you are an adult athlete check out your local roller derby league. Trust me, there is one.
7 Dec
